Why Pursuit?

Maybe I'm just tired, or maybe I've had a full day of rest and time to actually think about something other than school, but this evening my mind is filled with a topic very important to me, and one about which I've entered into hot debates and jovial teasing. It is the topic of relationships, and more particularly who should pursue whom.

Some of you might know that I hold strongly to the idea that men are the pursuers, and women are the responders. It takes courage for a man to pursue a woman, and it takes courage for a woman to respond to this pursuit. Now, before I get too far into my topic, I want to clarify that the kind of pursuit I am talking about is not creepy, nor is it puppy love. If a man is truly pursuing a woman to be his wife, she should have no reason to fear him nor pity him. These are both manipulative situations, and do not lead to a healthy relationship. Though I cannot say from personal experience what healthy pursuit looks like, I have seen the results of this done right in several healthy marriage relationships among my friends and mentors.

Tonight I have been specifically thinking about three things. The first is that one of the reasons I long to be pursued is that I want to know that I am desired, not just because I am there and made an offer, but because the man who chose to pursue me thought enough of me to put aside his fear of rejection and take a chance, hoping that I would say yes, and trusting God to direct my response either way. I have had many conversations about this, with both men and women, and the result has nearly always been that those women who waited to be pursued had healthier relationships than those who pushed through and did the pursuing. And those men with whom I've had similar conversations have had their dignity bolstered by being the one who pursues. Both find rest in their right role.

The next specific piece in my thoughts tonight is that of friends who want to make it happen for me. Though I appreciate the sympathy that certain friends have in this regard, It harkens back to the previous thought, and adds a little bit. Another conversation that I've had in the past was that of revelation. Men want to know that there is a likelihood that the woman they intend to pursue will receive their affections. I understand this. At the same time, however, a man who is thoughtful and prayerful will have built a friendship with the woman, and will have some idea of whether or not she will say yes. Of course, there is always some risk involved. None of us can fully know what another is thinking, and therefore we cannot predict how someone else is going to respond.

And last, but certainly not least, is that of directness. In continuing with the thoughts above, men ought to be direct. If a man wants to pursue a woman, he ought to be direct with her. This takes courage, and also leaves no wiggle room for us women to make up stories. We naturally make up stories in our heads anyway, and if a guy hints around but is never direct, our hearts can be broken. As women, we must be watchful that we don't make things into something they are not. This paragraph is intended to come off strongly, so if you're offended, please understand it is for your good and mine that I write this. We live in a culture where nothing can be said directly for fear of hurting someone. Because of this, nothing is clear anymore. Women, we need to keep our minds diligently! We must not let ourselves make up stories that tie our hearts to men who have no interest in pursuing us. Men, you mus be direct! Without this directness, we women are left to guess and make up stories. Women, we need to also be gracious recipients, no longer making men quake in their shoes at the thought of pursuing us. I could go on...

I continue to patiently wait. From time to time, God blesses me with a friendship that I place hopefully at His feet, praying that God will prompt the man to pursue me. And each time, God has reshaped my prayers for that man to what He wants for him. I will remain faithful, and I will trust that God has a tremendous plan for my life that will honor Him and bring Him more glory than any of my plans ever could. Tonight I will sleep soundly, knowing that my life is in God's hands, and that He has pursued me.