Commuting Prayers

Driving prayers are sometimes (actually, most often) the most powerful times of prayer in my life. I am about to start a new job where I'll be commuting an hour each way from my home, and so I know that this will be expanding/increasing. Here are some thoughts about life from recent times of prayer in my car:

1) I have often been afraid of what blessing looks like, and so often I don't ask wholeheartedly for God's hand to move in places of my greatest need.

2) I don't think of myself as a leader or someone who is going to make an impact. I am comfortable being just me, and not pushing the limits. Therefore, I do not ask God to open big doors, just enough to meet my needs in ways that don't draw too much attention.

3) Sometimes on the way to one thing, I pray about another thing. This happened last week, and God answered! While driving to one interview, I was praying about one that I'd already had, and I laid before God once again my trust that He will open and close the right doors, as well as my commitment to say "Yes" if a certain door is opened. I did this on Wednesday.

4) (This is the main one I've been wrestling through today, even after the drive to work this morning) For some reason I feel like my prayers for God to smooth out my path are unfaithful to His Gospel. I wrestle with always being in a place of needing to be rescued. I want to be in a place where there are consistent blessings, and I don't have to deal with the back and forth of whether or not God is going to provide for my needs (He always does) in time.

4 (cont.) The Gospel is that we are all in a place of needing to be rescued. God has sent His Son, Jesus, to be that rescuer. I feel like I am less than faithful when I expect to hear/experience, "Daughter, your faith has made you well. Go in peace, your suffering has ended." And yet, He DID say that, and He does pour out blessings.

So, in light of the above, I am questioning God about what He wants from me. What is the purpose of my life, and my faith walk? How will He use me in the lives of those around me? What will my testimony look like in the months and years and decades to come? I am willing, and I release my hold on being mediocre. I am comfortable here, but I think God has something more He wants from me.