Single...FOR REAL!!!

OK, so that title is interesting in itself. There are many ways it could be read, but take note it does not say "at last," "again," or "finally." By this I mean this is a post about experiencing singleness for real, not simply a state of being in which I, the writer, live as if I'm in some other state.

Jarbled mumbo-jumbo? Yes, mostly because I'm a little hesitant at being this vulnerable, especially since it will likely be read by those who know me well, and I'm not sure how it will be taken. I am being vulnerable, and with that I open myself to potential risk.

That being said, I submit to you this post.

Recently I have taken a liking to a young man. He's rather charming and I enjoy our talks. I have to say though that it has been rather rough in that there are times I find myself waiting around and not motivated to do something I want to do simply because I wonder if he's going to call or email about getting together. Simply put, I've missed out on living life as a single because I'm living like I'm in a relationship where I must consider another's desires/ideas when making plans or doing something completely spontaneous.

That being said, I must also say that recently this young man was away for a while, and it gave me time to reconsider my singleness. I will first say that when he was leaving my thoughts were that I would have some time without waiting around, but I never imagined what would actually happen. Shortly after he left I was made aware of a prayer concern, and it brought him back to my mind. This was not how I imagined the time alone. After a few days of asking God to take care of him, he slipped my mind. I did not notice this until nearing the end of his travels.

I spent time the following week doing things I wanted to do without wondering if I would miss a phone call, or if I should invite him: he was out of town. I picked berries (though a response to something else disheartening), played frisbee golf, and even went canoeing with other singles without even calling to see if he would like something to do. OK, so I know some of you are reading this and saying "C'mon, were you really that lame?" Yes, I was.

So, on the evening after having gone canoeing and having a grill out when we returned, I was sitting on the deck of the house I was watching, and I realized "Hey, this is what it feels like to really be single!" I was enjoying a quiet evening by myself after a long hard day of fun, and I wasn't concerned about who else might have missed out on the experience. That's when it hit me. When he's around, I'm tense and not really myself and therefore not living like I'm the single God has made me to be in this season of life. The week or so leading up to this was amazing because I had no one to impress and I was at ease with myself, able to enjoy God without any distractions! This must be what Paul meant when he urged the Corinthians to remain single. Huh...