Two Truths

Recently I have learned two things about who God is making me to be. The first is that He has given me the ability, sense, and desire to seek Him, and the second is that He is teaching me to see myself as He sees me and not as the lies in my head would have me believe. The interesting part of this, to me anyway, is that the former was born of an extremely painful circumstance, the latter from a primarily positive experience.

Last year, while enduring an experience beyond any pain I have felt to this point in my life, I would often find myself “summoning my inner [insert positive person’s name here],” as I’ve told several people. You see, I was being spoken to and treated as if I was incompetent, and that there was no hope for me. The person speaking these lies to and over me was in a place of leadership, and I was living oppressed as I tried daily to live better. And often I found myself wondering and hoping for what the positive person would have said to me in those times.

Well, over the past couple weeks I got to hear those words of hope and reassurance from that positive person. This came in various ways, but one that stuck out to me was when we were talking, and I had to manage something, so our conversation was put on hold. We were never able to come back to it, but I KNOW(!!!) what he would have said to me! I know what he would have said because of our relationship: I know this person well enough to know how the conversation will go because we have had conversations before.

And in the midst of that, I learned that the same holds true in my relationship with God. There are times when I am bombarded with lies from many sources (often not directly from the devil, but through the voices of others or of old lies and tapes playing in my head). In these times I often wonder if I can hear God’s still small voice in the midst of the loudness of the lies. The truth is that since I spend time with God on a regular basis, reading His word, in prayer, and in community with other believers, I CAN hear Him! I CAN know what He will say to me because I know His heart and His character.

The second lesson comes from a very different place, a place of timid hope, a place of curiosity and stepping out in faith. Several months ago, I found myself in the midst of a group of people I didn’t know very well. We were gathered for the same purpose, but I saw myself as less skilled and less important than those around me. We shared our experiences and ideas for moving forward, and I was filled with hope that I could grow in my skill, learn from others, and [maybe] encourage someone else as well. However, I was mostly intimidated by the people who surrounded me, feeling like what I had to offer was ‘less than.’

As I have grown in relationship with several people from this group, and have continued to grow myself, I have learned that we are not all that unlike. Some of us struggle with the same things, and some of us have had similar experiences as we grow. AND I have learned that as I grow and continue in what I know and do, I am an encouragement to others in the group! I think in particular about someone by whom I was very intimidated because I thought myself so much less in this area. As I’ve got to know this person, there is a humility there that has set me at ease. And as I practice on my own, I think of how he has encouraged me as I continue to move forward.

God is pleased with me, and I have no reason to be intimidated by my offerings. He has created me to be just who I am, and He sees my every step as I move forward. He encourages me, and reminds me that I am not alone in this journey. In fact, I am His, and He is proud of me, and He wants me to be delighted in His work of creating me!
So how does this influence my life? Right now it influences me in that I can be confident in prayer that God will answer me when I call. In the dark times, I can know that He hears me, and that He has planted His word in my heart, for my rescue and for obedience. It also means that I can continue to experiment with different things God has given me delight in, and know that He will guide me as I grow, making the best out of each piece, and encouraging others forward towards Him in all things. I am blessed!