Why it's his job...
OK, so I have been asked recently why it's the man's job to initiate a conversation about their relationship with the woman. There are many reasons I've given in the past, but this just struck me. I need the man to step up and make his intentions known so I know he's committed. I recall a conversation I had with one young man several years ago where I initiated the conversation. He did not reciprocate, but later that evening (I went with him to a friend's house to watch a football game...good idea? At least now I know one of my fellow high school graduates plays pro-football now...anyway) he told me something I think I already knew, but wasn't sure was accurate. He said that one day I will draw teh kind of man who will not keep me guessing because he'll make his intentions clear to me, instead of the other way around. He recognized that I hold traditional values about this issue, and that the kind of man who will be drawn to me will be the kind of man who will come out with his intentions clearly to me.
What I've realized about this over the past week or so is that I need to know the man's totally committed, and if I bring up the conversation, even if he's partially interested, he doesn't have to be committed totally because it was my idea. I want it to be his idea, and I want to know he's willing to risk rejection to have me. I want to know I'm being pursued, and not that I have to do the pursuing. God did not make me that way, nor did he make women in general to have to pursue, not to say that it can't work, but only that generally women are more vulnerable to hurt from rejection that we need the male picture of strength to step up and lead the way.
OK, so what does this say about those shy men? Well, for one, I have to say that if a man who's shy can come forward to pursue a woman, she will know he really means it! I serious doubt a shy man would take the chance of rejection if he didn't mean it with his whole heart. And for two, it's still his place, and in initiating this conversation, it's showing he can be the Godly leader he's supposed to be.
Now, how about those women who, like me, are outgoing and not at all shy? Well, gals, we gotta wait for God's leading and trust that He's got something better for us than we could ever have made for ourselves. I'm talking to myself here as well, especially since I'm living this situation right now (vulnerability again, hopefully the wrong person does not read this..., but either way, it's in God's hands), and I know I have to wait. There are things I could do to manipulate the situation, but thankfully, I have a few good friends who've recently given me good counsel and are keeping my feet on the ground. Ladies, we need to trust God, and know He's got a plan!
OK, so I think that's all I have to say for now. Be blessed today in Christ as you seek His face.
posted by Mildred at 4:58 PM
3 Comments:
Another reason: Men are made to pursue, women are made to receive. This is seen in the way our bodies are made, and it is seen in the fact that in the majority of cultures, it works this way. But the most compelling reason for me is this: Marriage is a picture of the relationship between Christ and the Church. We are speaking about Christ and the Church whenever we engage in marriage especially, but also in a relationship that leads to marriage. We can speak the truth or we can speak lies. The question to ask is, If i as a woman chase down the man i want, what does that say about the way the Church relates to Christ? Salvation by works? We can earn His love? But if a man pursues a woman, laying down his pride to romance and draw her, he is demonstrating what God has been doing for His people throughout history. This, above all other reasons, is why i waited for my husband to pursue me, and why i still value his leadership in our home. By so doing, we speak truth to those who hear.
8:35 AM
Thank you Mrs. Hittle, for that comment. Very well put. For all the rest of you readers, as I said, there are many reasons for this. I have to say though that Mrs. Hittle's comment puts all other reasons on the back burner.
Another thing I forgot to say as well is that as singles, waiting is not just a place where we sit. Now is the time to serve God fully without other distractions, and if we simply sit around while we wait, we're missing out on life. I say this to the credit of a friend of mine who's recently reminded me of this and a book I'm reading called "Lady in Waiting". OK, have a nice day, and thanks again for reading/commenting.
7:03 AM
Yay Lady in Waiting! Elisabeth Elliot also says in Let Me Be a Woman that singleness is a gift, and not to be thought of as less precious than any other gift. We may be given that gift for a time, only to have it replaced by the gift of marriage, or we may have the gift of singleness forever-- but as long as you're single, that's the gift you have. She said she knew of a woman who was i think in her 60s who had never been married who claimed she didn't have the gift of singleness, but was still waiting for her husband. Mrs. Elliot said she thought that the woman was wrong in believing she didn't have the gift of singleness; that she'd had it for over 60 years, even if it wasn't to be the only gift she was given in that regard. So yeah, Mildred, i totally agree with you that singleness isn't a time of waiting so much as a time of complete abandon to God-- Paul will back us up here! i can witness to the fact that although my husband is a gift, there are aspects of ministry that are very different now from when i had no-one but myself to consider in how i used my time for God. Now i can't spent all my spare time at the church, and we don't generally stay there until after the pastor leaves, like i often did as a single woman. We have other ministry to do as well, and that is to each other. So we must take full advantage of singleness as a gift as long as it is our gift. But just as singleness is more about abandon than waiting, waiting on God is different. Waiting on God is where we sit quietly, submitting to His timing, asking Him to show Himself to us in beautiful and powerful ways, not holding Him to our expectations. Not waiting for Him so much as waiting on Him. But i have said enough.
1:37 PM
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