Why Pursuit?

Maybe I'm just tired, or maybe I've had a full day of rest and time to actually think about something other than school, but this evening my mind is filled with a topic very important to me, and one about which I've entered into hot debates and jovial teasing. It is the topic of relationships, and more particularly who should pursue whom.

Some of you might know that I hold strongly to the idea that men are the pursuers, and women are the responders. It takes courage for a man to pursue a woman, and it takes courage for a woman to respond to this pursuit. Now, before I get too far into my topic, I want to clarify that the kind of pursuit I am talking about is not creepy, nor is it puppy love. If a man is truly pursuing a woman to be his wife, she should have no reason to fear him nor pity him. These are both manipulative situations, and do not lead to a healthy relationship. Though I cannot say from personal experience what healthy pursuit looks like, I have seen the results of this done right in several healthy marriage relationships among my friends and mentors.

Tonight I have been specifically thinking about three things. The first is that one of the reasons I long to be pursued is that I want to know that I am desired, not just because I am there and made an offer, but because the man who chose to pursue me thought enough of me to put aside his fear of rejection and take a chance, hoping that I would say yes, and trusting God to direct my response either way. I have had many conversations about this, with both men and women, and the result has nearly always been that those women who waited to be pursued had healthier relationships than those who pushed through and did the pursuing. And those men with whom I've had similar conversations have had their dignity bolstered by being the one who pursues. Both find rest in their right role.

The next specific piece in my thoughts tonight is that of friends who want to make it happen for me. Though I appreciate the sympathy that certain friends have in this regard, It harkens back to the previous thought, and adds a little bit. Another conversation that I've had in the past was that of revelation. Men want to know that there is a likelihood that the woman they intend to pursue will receive their affections. I understand this. At the same time, however, a man who is thoughtful and prayerful will have built a friendship with the woman, and will have some idea of whether or not she will say yes. Of course, there is always some risk involved. None of us can fully know what another is thinking, and therefore we cannot predict how someone else is going to respond.

And last, but certainly not least, is that of directness. In continuing with the thoughts above, men ought to be direct. If a man wants to pursue a woman, he ought to be direct with her. This takes courage, and also leaves no wiggle room for us women to make up stories. We naturally make up stories in our heads anyway, and if a guy hints around but is never direct, our hearts can be broken. As women, we must be watchful that we don't make things into something they are not. This paragraph is intended to come off strongly, so if you're offended, please understand it is for your good and mine that I write this. We live in a culture where nothing can be said directly for fear of hurting someone. Because of this, nothing is clear anymore. Women, we need to keep our minds diligently! We must not let ourselves make up stories that tie our hearts to men who have no interest in pursuing us. Men, you mus be direct! Without this directness, we women are left to guess and make up stories. Women, we need to also be gracious recipients, no longer making men quake in their shoes at the thought of pursuing us. I could go on...

I continue to patiently wait. From time to time, God blesses me with a friendship that I place hopefully at His feet, praying that God will prompt the man to pursue me. And each time, God has reshaped my prayers for that man to what He wants for him. I will remain faithful, and I will trust that God has a tremendous plan for my life that will honor Him and bring Him more glory than any of my plans ever could. Tonight I will sleep soundly, knowing that my life is in God's hands, and that He has pursued me.

Goals in the works

So, my last post was about some health and fitness goals, as well as the whole of 2014 being this giant adventure that seems daunting from time to time, and at other times I can wrap my head around thing or another.

Well, it's Thursday, the day I will be starting my first college class in nearly ten years. In the past five days, I have mostly been tackling the decluttering (still in progress, but starting to make a huge difference) and the new healthy challenges.

Well, I'm pleased to say that I have successfully met and exceeded my weight loss goal for this week, and am on track for a week of completing 80% of my daily goals (water, vitamins, veggies). While I have read, heard, and been told many times that the weight comes off quicker in the beginning, I'm floored at how much I've lost this week. I will be keeping in mind what healthy weight loss looks like and making sure that I'm keeping healthy. That being taken into consideration, I am pleasantly surprised and encouraged!

As for the 80% of daily goals, drinking more water has been the biggest challenge. There was one day I did not remember vitamins, and that day I also only drank about 16oz of water. Then there was the day I ate no veggies. If I complete all of these successfully for the rest of the week, I will have completed 81% of my daily goals for the week.

As far as walking goes, Sunday I took a 20-25min. walk (can't remember, but it was at least 20min), and have had three 10min. walks this week with the dog I'm caring for. While the goal was three 15min walks, the total time has exceeded that, so I'm going to call it good. Next week I'll try for three or four 15min. walks, but I'm realizing that I need to actually put these on the schedule instead of telling myself I'll do them when I feel like it. It's Thursday, and I've not yet planned a second longer walk like I had intended to do.

I have walked over three miles this week already, and I still have at least another mile to walk just for work (into and out of the building where I work, walking the dog at least once more), so I'll be up to four miles with one week of tracking. That's 4% of my goal for the year!

Tracking calories has been easier than I thought it would be, due to finding an app for my Kindle fire that matches up to an online service I'd used in the past. So, I'm well on my way to keeping things going!!!

I have a few rewards options I need to work on. Since I'm getting rid of 'stuff' and working on eating healthier, I'm looking for rewards that are not related to food or acquiring more stuff. This weekend I'm getting my hair trimmed. I won't get it straightened again, though that was fun for an hour or so, I love my curls. This weekend's reward is for getting started this week, for sticking to my goals, and for changing some of my thinking.

In light of starting class tonight, I will need to prioritize my schedule and decide how much energy and time goes into what endeavors, however, if I can focus on these three things (declutter-to be done at the end of January, class-ongoing, and health-ongoing), I am pretty sure I can make it work. Even if I have to easy up on some of the intensity of something, I am giving myself no excuse to just give up. I'm doing some hard things, and I am determined!

2014: The Year of New Adventures

2014 is already becoming a year of adventures! In the past two weeks, I've done quite a bit of decluttering, and still have more to do. I am going back to school, and will be starting class this week. And then this weekend while I've been sick, I have been reading a series of books about losing weight on my Kindle fire. I will share at the bottom of this post a link to this bundle, but I wanted to share a little bit about what I'm taking on as a result.

Weight loss has always been a daunting thing for me. Intimidating, frustrating, overwhelming, and depressing. I look at how much I'd like to lose, and I lose heart because the number is so big. Suddenly a bunch of old lies start playing in my head. "You'll never accomplish that. You've not been able to so far, so what makes you think you'll get it right this time? And if you do, what's to keep it off?" UGH!!!

Well, this book series is the most balanced real-person material I've ever read. While I'm not done reading the bundle yet, I have been working on some of the suggestions she's made in the material up to now. She talks about setting an ultimate goal (done), and then how to break it down into smaller yearly, quarterly, monthly, weekly, and even daily goals.

Here's where the light went on. If I can attempt smaller goals along the way (like 5lbs/mo), I will be less likely to get frustrated and give up. Five pounds in a month? That's all? I can do that! So, now I have quarterly goals for the year, monthly goals for the first quarter, weekly goals for January, and daily goals for this week. Noting that I will be regularly evaluating these goals and making changes as necessary, I am proud to say I have goals set!

You may be wondering what those goals are. Well, I will share some of them with you. First of all, if I can lose 5lb each month, that means that by the end of 2014 I will have lost 60lbs. That's amazing! It puts me much closer to my ultimate goal, and gives me many milestones in between to celebrate. I have a goal of 100mi walked in 2014, breaking that up by quarter and allowing myself some ramping up time, I have set a goal of 7mi over the next three weeks, then more for the rest of the quarter.

In the ramping up of walking, I've set a minute/times per week goal of 15/3 for January, bumping that up to 30/3 or 30/4 for February and March. We'll see by the end of January how I'm feeling and if duration or frequency moves first. However, I took Duke for a walk for 20min today, and we logged 0.8mi, slower than me by myself, but better than I expected.

I've also set as daily goals remembering to take my vitamins, drinking plenty of water, and eating at least three servings of veggies. I took my vitamins early today because I was awake in the middle of the night, and have had two veggies already, but I'm behind on water intake. I'll remedy that soon.

Now comes the real kicker for a goal. I plan to lose 2lbs this week. This is hard for me to say, because my experience tells me that I won't make it, or that if I see it, it will just be a fluctuation as happens regularly anyway. I am choosing to no longer believe the negativity and lies. I want to be healthier, and this is one of the ways I am going to do that.

So, with all the other stuff going on in my life right now (big stuff like going back to school), I find myself wondering why I want to take this on at the same time. Well, it's time to face a whole bunch of lies head-on. Lies about failure, rejection, self-worth, and so forth. It's big stuff, and I can't do it alone. I need God's grace to sustain me, and I need you, my friends, to stick with me and at times to pull me out of the stinky space of the old thoughts. I usually like to take one thing at a time, but right now I feel like coming out swinging.

Oh, and the author recommended writing out your motivation for taking on this particular task. I have, scribbled on a piece of paper (it'll look better soon) a bunch. Among them: Honor God, confidence, more active, better self-talk, health, attraction, more energy, job interviews, satisfaction, accomplishment, and ease of motion.

So there you have it. I need your prayers, your accountability, and your encouragement.

Here's the link: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0083238G0/ref=oh_d__o00_details_o00__i01?ie=UTF8&psc=1